Must… resist… those gosh-darned Domain Auctions!

Granted, I probably wouldn’t be able to participate in one unless I can manage to find a Visa Gift Card somewhere. Besides, I already have two domains registered under my name (with money from “website assessment” work I’ve done in the past,) which I have yet to develop, before proving myself worthy of taking another auction. That being said, the money I’d be spending to register could be used for something more worthwhile, like a book. (On the other hand, it will deter me from buying food.)

I’m partially annoyed that GoDaddy Auctions requires a subscription in order for one to join as a bidding member, since there’s a 2-letter .org domain I’ve had my eyes set on for a while (the starting bid is $10 too, so unless someone else would magically have interest in the obscure domain name I want, I would’ve had a decent chance of being able to bid up to US$25 (the absolute highest I would ever spend on one of these things, ha ha.)

Interestingly enough, there are two auction categories that don’t require registration: “Bargain Bin” and “Closeouts”. Being the internet cheapo that I am, I had to check “Bargain Bin” out.

Just as you’d expect, a lot of the domain names would be like three-metre piles of goo that you wouldn’t want to prod with a ten-foot pole. Depending on your tastes, however, you may find some interesting names.

Figure 1. A couple of domain names you probably wouldn't want to prod with a ten-foot pole. Your Mileage May Vary. (from auctions.godaddy.com)

Figure 1. A couple of domain names you probably wouldn’t want to prod with a ten-foot pole. Your Mileage May Vary. (from auctions.godaddy.com)

The weird fellow I am, I found a couple of domain names that piqued my own interests. Most notable among these is oomla.org, which I expected Joomla would have already taken, because it’s a fairly common keyboard slip, with the rest being un-noteworthy.

Of course, when you select a few domains to stuff into your cart, you wouldn’t only be paying for the listed price, but you’d also have to shoulder a payment for one year of registration. It’s not scammy in itself, but don’t expect to pay just US$5 for a domain.

Figure 2. How much I'd have to pay if I actually got all 7 of the domains I chose.

Figure 2. How much I’d have to pay if I actually got all 7 of the domains I chose.

US$155.01?!? There goes my expectations that I can still be a mean-o cheap-o when it comes to these things. I probably shouldn’t have expected better, considering that this is GoDaddy that we’re talking about here.

Just in case you’re morbidly curious, these are some of the domains I’ve selected, along with their total fees:

thesekidsagain.com: By Jove, it’s These Kids Again! Thought they’d get out of my lawn once they became pesky little teeny-boppers? Nope! It doesn’t matter how many times you’d tell these two to shut the hell up; they’re like two gay monkeys high on a lethal mix of nitrous oxide, caffeine, invert sugars, and quite possibly, meth for you and meth for me, meth is for everybody. Okay, you caught me, that was an awful mispronunciation of “math”, as in “MATHEMATICAL!”, which is some thing they scream over and over. How do you raise these kids again? Don’t, they’re already as high as they can be, sans substance abuse. (Yes, I am referencing Yuri and Yuni’s incarnations from “The Rule of Three” here, because gratitious references to my own stories are fun sometimes.)

intothevortex.us: Brought to you by OneCor, Into the Vortex is the newest MMOSAARG (Massively Multiplayer Online Anti-Social Strategy Augmented Reality Game) of 2015! ItV takes Augmented Reality Gaming another step forward, with no requirements for a special visualisation room, clunky and bulky AR goggles (unless you really want to look like a dork), or any of the inconveniences of traditional augmented reality games! Step back, Google Glass, you have nothing on this! Instead of playing the game in a computer shop, your phone, or whatever newfangled technological contraption you have, you play ItV in the real world! What’s that? No, you don’t even need an internet connection. Just purchase the ItV chip, and swallow it like you would another pill, and within approximately 48 hours, you’ll have instant, unlimited access to the world of Meox, the world beyond the vortex. Into the Vortex features the first and only gameplay that affects the real world, not just the world around you, but the entire world in itself! Options include transdermal patches for temporary access passes, brain implants, or contact lenses! (Now that I think of it, this would be AWESOME for “exilium”.)

homechum.com: I can’t think of anything witty for homechum, but it made me laugh because I was hungry at the time. I’d say something about Homestuck, but then, Andrew Hussie might kill me for my blog’s textual content mostly being in the public domain OR under a Creative Commons license. Something about imaginary friends, or friends you keep at home, perhaps?

Figure 3. Fee breakdowns for thesekidsagain.com, intothevortex.us, and homechum.com.

Figure 3. Fee breakdowns for thesekidsagain.com, intothevortex.us, and homechum.com.

stormdark.net: StormDark is a brand-new collective of ex-grimdark magic practitioners, reworking their specialties from zoologically dubious specimens, to far less grotesque deities, such as storm and thunder gods. It is rumoured that stormdark practioners are acolytes to a powerful witch of dark matter, who lives in the kingdom of the night. They are confirmed, however, to be powerful conjurers of storms, and masters of the weather.

gigfromhell.org: I’m not even going to be expounding on this. XD

dikpix.com: Welcome to dikpix.com, the portfolio of Frederick Alfonso “Dik” Perez. Dik is a professional photographer currently residing in Guadalajara, Mexico. He specializes in bokeh and macro shots of dew drops, although he is also fond of taking snapshots of life from his beloved city. He paints on occasion, and his painting portfolio may be accessed at colormedik.net.

assngrass.com: AssnGrass is the premier destination for the best photographs, art, poetry, prose, and all other creative work related to grass-grazing donkeys. Come on, don’t upload pictures of your bum — there are better places for that! As such, AssnGrass is open to people of all ages, to share their work about asses, and talk about grass! You can also talk about famous donkeys, such as our beloved Donkey.

In the end, I didn’t get any of the domains, not only because I can’t afford them, and not just because I feel like I won’t be able to maintain them very well, but also because I don’t think I want any of them enough at this point to want to register them every year.

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