A lot of rambling lies ahead. I don’t think I have what it takes to be a proper “blogger”, but I might as well use this to ventilate some of the distracting thoughts plaguing my mind at the moment.
I have a long exam for anatomy tomorrow, and yet I haven’t finished the one video I’m supposed to be making for my deceased sister. I’m more than happy to do this for her, but making videos isn’t exactly motivating when my laptop overheats very easily these days. Besides, it’s too hot.
Too many excuses.
Seeing my third shifting grade for anatomy gives me hope and motivation to do better this shift (somehow, I’m not as worried over my relatively bad performance in the practical exam earlier,) but there are other things running on my mind.
“There’s still tomorrow morning, you can just wake up early,” a voice in my head says.
“But it’s almost 10 PM,” I reply, as I hush those thoughts for a while.
There’s this urge to change my username in this blog, but then I’d lose all the search engine hits I get from the song lyrics I post to this blog (since when did I care about blog stats? Just for a few moments, apparently.) I can always make a new blog with the URL I want, anyway! Or I can just use a made-up name to have a more unified and consistent username across all places I frequent. But then I’d be spreading myself too thin, I’m already bad at micromanaging more than two accounts per website as it stands.
Thinking about all these just distracts me from the tasks at hand.
I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to be doing tomorrow apart from the long exam. Oh, right, I can’t even fill-in for the lector who’s on vacation tomorrow because of the long exam. Maybe that’ll wait for next week. There’s also someone I should be delivering medications to, but will my break time tomorrow suffice? It might work if I eat in 5 minutes, and study on the way to and from the delivery.
I want to sleep right now, but I can’t. I shouldn’t, I have to stay awake for at least thirty more minutes.
Sleep is something I used to dislike as a kid. Now, I seem to sleep at every opportunity. I nap even when I know I am still fully alert and awake — I seem to have been conditioned to take a 10-15 minute nap around noontime, but that’s also when we have our biochemistry lectures. I try hard to fight it, because 9 times out of 10, the lecturer is too engaging for me to even fall asleep on them. I’m interested in the topic at hand, but it just happens. It’s almost insulting. (If you so happen to be reading this, I sincerely apologise. It’s not you, it’s me.)
I’m just awful at this thing called “time management”.
There’s no one else to blame for that but myself. My love for music is possibly my greatest enemy at the moment. It has sucked out the time I could have used to rewrite or encode my own notes, when I get lost in a certain song. Sometimes, I find myself staring at the keyboard, unsure of what I was supposed to do.
I always have inspiration and motivation; what I don’t always have is focus. I intend to change that, one small victory at a time.